i think it's a combination of not eating real food for the past two days and not getting any sleep (except for during the procedure), but i just got out of a colonoscopy and was told that everything looked normal. i've been thinking this was crohn's for the last two months, since that's how long i had to wait for this, after a month and a half of waiting to meet the doctor that told me it was probably crohn's- i broke down crying. just totally sobbing, trying to keep quiet because it's fucking embarrassing to break down like this in public, but eventually getting a nurse's attention. i feel like shit. i am in pain all of the time. it being crohn's after getting so many tests back fine was something i was hoping for at this point. i feel like, at this point, all of the pain is inside my head. i want answers. i'm so tired of hurting physically and mentally. the last year has been so hard emotionally, i was so lucky to get my gender dysphoria recognized and to get on HRT. i was lucky enough to eventually be diagnosed with BPD and now i'm in DBT, slowly making progress but progress nonetheless. i am so tired of getting my hopes up and getting knocked back down and having to wait months in between to see special doctors. i am losing hope rapidly. how do other people feel and hold onto hope when it feels so fucking impossible???