Coping with the sudden loss of a loved one

I’ve been there had many anxiety attacks over losing my family after I got In a car crash I was scared they would die from one and I get the guilt of surviving and your loved one didn’t. I lost my only friend for years to suicide and I tried but survived. Felt guilty I lived and she didn’t had the question of why did she die I didn’t kinda thing. What helped me get over the guilt was forgiving myself and finding out why I am still here. I was given a second chance and have work to do on earth still. After learning that I’ve been focusing on doing what I was here to do.

I started with this realization when I was 9. Since then I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and a panic disorder. Meds have helped tremendously with the depression/sabotage side of things, while acceptance has helped with the thoughts. I truly understands how difficult it is to come to terms, i went to my first funeral about a month ago and it was even more eye opening. I think poetry and writing thoughts down will help. Whenever I get scared and freeze up and dissociate, I go straight to my notes and write exactly what I’m thinking on paper. The thoughts are physical, and keeps things in the present. Keep yourself grounded and in the present, and remember you are loved. Death is a very common fear, and you’re not strange for feeling scared. I’m scared too, and have passed out thinking about it, but hey…this side of life is worth it, and fears can only impact you as much as you let them. Let me know if you want to talk more in depth, this is a topic I have had lots of practice on personally.

Honestly I’ve been spiraling down this whole thought process for so many years. I’ve tried so many things to help myself but right now the only thing helping me is medication. Once I got on the right medicine I stopped having the thoughts 24/7. Actually had the thought a couple days ago and honestly it hit me for a few seconds of deep fear and I was able to accept the thought and move forward with my day. It was crazy because I had a glimpse of how life was 24/7 before this and it was a feeling I almost forgot even though it was only a couple months ago I was still experiencing it full blown. That’s kind of how my brain has been since I was 16 I found my issue with doubting my faith is what caused my fear to intensify and now go out of control. But ya I’m glad the medicine is helping in that spot because it is horrible! And I am so sorry for your loss as well. That is so incredibly painful to go through.