The Burden of Family Expectations

There are very few things. I've ever held more deer than family. But the truth is family will hurt you the most. You love them you trust them you believe that they hold the family too higher standard? just as I was taught to. I don't want to admit that. I don't know how to change? Yet! The love I still have for them. A disappointment and knowing the truth. Being lied to betrayed in the most horrific ways and still loveing them. Still i know that somehow I have to forgive. First I must forgive myself for believing in the wrong people. for making excuses for them for me myself being lost. Not being the leader I was meant to be. I'm working on it. Holding on to these grudges. Only hurt yourself. Having your perception of reality shattered is truly what PTSD is! I'm desperately trying to put the pieces back together and it's very difficult. To change one's mind after years and years of believing you should put Family First! But in the end you should put yourself first. So that you can properly lead your family. or it might drive you insane! Holding on to the guilt to the burden the reality is what it is and not what you want to make it.