KittyRosa

130d

It's my birthday today and normally I am super big on celebrating even if it's not big money ir material wise.
To write love on her arms "your birthday is is more than a cake and candles. it's more than a party. it's a moment to celebrate that you are still here. that you made to another day. another year. and that means something"
..... but this is the first year I am so depressed I don't mind acknowledging it but I don't want to celebrate it. this is the first year in over a decade that I didn't have a love to celebrate with and be lovey and intimate. this is the first year I dint have my mom by my side because she has shingles so is in the hospital. all of my friends are only able to message. I don't have a special treat equivalent to a cake. I don't have a special dinner. I am doing nothing because I am too depressed to, but not doing anything makes me more depressed. I feel alone and I hate it.
this was going to be the biggest birthday ever... my forst birthday without a narcissistic man in my life. i am learning about mentql things I have and how to function with them,, also working on mental health like I have never done before.....it should have been and was going to be the biggest celebrating ever. now it's nothing......

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Depression

View all
  • moon.stars.oceans

    130d

    This sounds so difficult. The year I was so depressed I didn’t enjoy my birthday either. It just reminded me of another year I have to get through. Depression leaves you in a very lonely place. You’ve had to let go of some things but grabbed on to taking care for your mental health. I’m so proud of you! That to me is worth celebrating! I’ll have a party for you, you deserve good things. I know it may still bad, but please know that you are loved by me, this community, and the few family/friends you have. They may not make a big gesture but sometimes big love comes in small packages. You are not forgotten. You had the courage to write this here, and that shows you’re a fighter. You want to get better. I know this darker time in your life is painful but it’s the day that you shine. Give yourself some compassion and credit for how strong you are. Depression doesn’t get to have the final say. I’m here for you! ❤️

  • KittyRosa

    130d

    i qas trying to keep busy to not think about it but it didn't work and noe I'm crying. Thank you though. Ypur words are very comforting

  • KittyRosa

    130d

    After being really upset this morning and trying to just stay busy and not think about today...... which worked until it didn't..... I decided to take a deep breathe and acknowledge my birthday but wait to celebrate it. I don't have the strength to celebrate alone roght now, maybe in a couple years. I am going to wait to celebrate with my mom and dsughter after she is home. I have two friends who are insisting on doing their own celebrations with me when we can. I do delayed holidays all the time and I would rather acknowledge my birthday, apprecoate the birthday wishes, and then hold off on the actual celebrating yo do it even if it's a month late with people I care about and who care about me than trying to put pressure on myself to force myself to celebrate right bow on this day 😁

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.