Feeling Depressed on My Birthday: Need Advice

I don't like my birthday and I never really did. Todays my birthday but instead of being happy and celebratory it makes me quite depressed. Growing up I had the type of parents where no one gave a crap, even if they did remeber whitch was a rare occurence. My parents were also very abusive both physically and emotionally and I was essentially ignored uless someone needed to take out extreme anger. I was always very very jealous of other people around me because they would always show off and brag about what their family/friends would get them and what big event they had and where they went. It only hurt because people ask me "what did you get?" and when I said/say "I didn't get anything" They would respond with something similar to "that's sad" and then it would end at that. I once told someone I've never had a birthday party and they responded with "are you serious? that's so sad". It's so bizzar to see other people get something grand or special or both and to have never experienced it along with being judged by a lot of people for that fact. And I still don't even get happy birthday messages even though I have friends and I've done things for them like plan something or get them a gift. I've in general have gotten so used to not being asked about myself that when someone asks me "what do you want/wanna do" I just go blank and have no idea how to answer that question because I have to manually think of an answer whitch can take me quite a while. I don't expect anything from anybody but It's just instead of havung good BDay memories I have bad/empty ones.