Afraid of Getting Better: Who Am I Without My Sickness?

I’m not sure. I desperately want to be rid of my OCD, with every cell in my body. With my ED, it makes me miserable but I revel in it.

Yess!! I’m very afraid…

Yes I’m so glad I’m not the only one. It’s not like I like being sick, I hate it actually, it’s just, I don’t know what my purpose is. I’m so afraid I’ll start to work again, over do it, and end up right where I started…

That’s exactly how I feel because when I was healthy (or thought I was) I never knew when to take a break and it probably was part of why I’m sick. Also I don’t think people on the outside looking in get that it’s really hard to just pick up where we left off a year later, like mentally it’s so much more complicated

Plus, sickness is how we know when to call it quits for the day and rest. How do you know when if you are healthy?

So true, suddenly, my life which has been paused for a year is supposed to resume like nothing has happened. I feel guilty because it’s not that I’ll miss the attention sickness brings, weirdly enough it’s become a comfort. I’ve been able to rely on my broken body…

Yep, I have no idea what I’ll do in life and the expectations will be put right back on me to know what to do - but it’ll beat the pain for sure, but ya, I don’t know who I am without this illness(es)