Admitting my past trauma and praying for a better future

i have to admit something. i was harrassed by a school teacher in my past. i cant believe i said it. ive been controlled by my anxiety to not say it to not admit it. but now im praying for a happy healthy boy. a cute one. one like cloudstrife or zack or midoriya. or like 15 year old eren. but less angry and manipulative and genocide-ist. i want to be like mikasa with long hair, aerith. tifa lockhart. i pray to be like these girls. i pray for strength. i pray to be more like marlene. i was left alone too long. i dont knoe if i should go to the park. i pray that people will be there tbh. and when im walking thru the neighborhood people will be out cus it feels different. its 10am so most people will have went to work.