Feeling Overwhelmed and Exhausted

Yes nearly all the time. I’ve actually realized I am so much better when shit is actually hitting the fan- hurricane, military, life or death situations because it calms my anxiety and It feels like my emotional or “problems” literally don’t matter. And since I function with high anxiety it’s like ah finally I get to handle what I thought would happen in a worst case scenario. It sounds really messed up but most of my friends from when I was in the military feel similar. Like normal life is torture, too much time to not be ok and that doesn’t feel ok. I also realized working with other people in a demanding job helped me have less anxiety overall because I couldn’t perform if I focused on that. So for me I know now that if I have a bigger goal than just making it thru the day o function much better. But since my health has been the worst it has the last few years I literally cannot put myself in those situations for long anymore and they absolutely have consequences of not being able to get out of bed due to pain for days… I end up back in the same cycle again. I love obstacles but then I realize I’ve created obstacles just to overcome and I’m too exhausted for that. So in the past few years I’ve been trying to work on that and I suppose being in more reality so I can focus on what is actually important. It helps but it’s still so much back and forth. Going to the worst case scenario and playing that out does really help me release the anxiety because I get to a point where I know if this happens I’ll do this and handle it versus some huge dark cloud and running only off of fear. Sometimes it just feels like I’m stuck in a mind game and I just want a break like you said.

I literally have a hard time explaining that this is exactly how I feel. Sometimes I lay in bed more often because sleep is so much better than reality. I’m not even lazy and I don’t want to be but I’m so exhausted.