Knees

125d

Every once in a while i will have a taste or smell that reminds me of something the most recent one was when I was drinking strawberry milk and remembered walking to the front porch in my aurora night gown and seeing my mom, beauty incarnate on the porch with a cigarette and a full wine glass and I will feel the lump in my throat and the deep longing in my chest as she screamed at me to go inside loud enough to wake the whole neighborhood and how I would go and lay in her bed because I knew she wouldn’t be in for hours but I still layer there longing for even a hint of her scent and the feel of her hair. How I would lay crying and begging to a god that never answered me to explain why she didn’t have time to love me. Her first born daughter that she put so much effort into getting. Why I’m not worth laying down with until I fall asleep. Anyway how was your day?

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Anxiety (Including GAD)

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  • pfunkie

    125d

    I am so sorry. No one no matter how religious you might be has a direct answer to your question. People have guidance and trust but never an answer. The only way you find answers is by learning to trust yourself and guide yourself to resources that you know will help your journey. It sounds like your having trouble compartmentalizing your trauma. Have you looked into EDRM therapy? It seeks to help you learn what to do when you have those traumatic memories so that you can store them in a place that doesn't affect you as much anymore. I would look into getting that kind of therapy if possible.

    • Knees

      124d

      I have I’ve been trying to get into it for a while! Thank you. You’re a kind soul.

  • kat32

    124d

    Sending you so much love and a big hug ❤

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