Lost my mind and my words

This sounds so dramatic but I just wrote a good 600 words PERFECTLY describing how I feel mentally. This is a huge, HUGE deal because I NEVER know how to recognize anything I feel. So i was going to copy and paste that huge paragraph into this app but I accidentally deleted the whole thing instead. The millisecond I deleted it I lost it completely. My girlfriend and I are babysitting a 9month old right now and I accidentally woke him up because i uncontrollably started screaming and having a panic attack. I ran out of the room and now im typing this on the bathroom floor in the pitch dark as I bawl my eyes out. I feel so pathetic. I cant believe it took one click to erase such a valuable piece of my mind that I captured. It seems so small but this is so upsetting. Why do i always go crazy over the smallest things? I want to be normal im so fucking done with EVERYTHING.