545d
I'm really sad. I had a group of friends for about four years who I love wholeheartedly. we were neighbors up until three years ago, and I considered them family. when I moved, they dropped off almost entirely. barely responded to messages, no calls, no visits. my kids were best friends with their kids so I've tried so many times to make plans. it just hurts me to my core tbh. it's like I was only a convenience to them, and once I wasn't there to babysit, give them toilet paper, feed them, they just couldn't be bothered anymore. I cried and grieved over those relationships more than any romantic one I've had and still do. they really did mean the world to me, and I am of no consequence. I don't think I ever was, but I still love and miss them. today I planned to get some chores done. I followed up about some Halloween plans I was trying to make with them first. now, I am in bed crying, and wanting so badly just to go back to that time for one day. I remember my last day there, I just sat outside on the porch and took in everything I could, to always remember and revisit that home, and those people. I knew that we would see each other less, but I didn't know that they wouldn't want to see me at all. the worst of it all is the run around. I would so much prefer if they had just blocked me, or told me to fuck off, or even would do that now. instead they imply that I should keep that door open, and never walk through it. I wish that I could be more grown about this, and just let go of the idea that they are or even were my friends. I'm usually the first to cut someone off and the last to ever pick them back up again, but for these girls specifically, I have been mourning for years. I just want it to end.
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Bupropion
night sweats
paranoid
Valium
sertraline
palpitations
Anxiety (Including GAD)
Depression
palpitations
Depression
Valium
Bupropion
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