maloneyncheeze

253d

I feel as though my mother thinks so little of me, as if I don’t exist. Like she doesn’t even want to interact with me or be around me. For holidays, instead of spending it with her family she goes on vacation with her friends. I call her to talk to her whether it’s important or just to talk for a few minutes and she never answers my calls. I call my stepdad to ask him if he can tell her to call me to which he says “she’ll call you tomorrow” and then no calls for a week and then I have to try and call again and the cycle just continues. When my stepbrother or sister do something “special” she posts all about it or interacts with their posts on Facebook but when something happens in my life I get ignored. Like when I got married, she didn’t really feel like sharing it with anyone, when I told her I was finally going back to college she didn’t care. I know some of these things seem very trivial but to me it’s huge because it really hurts that it seems like she doesn’t care about anything I do. It’s like my sister can do no wrong because she is doing “everything right” according to my mother. She plays all the same sports my mom did. She has the same career plan my mother wanted before her life was sidetracked by me. (She was just 21 when she had me). It’s like she wanted to live her life vicariously through me and when that didn’t happen because I wasn’t interested in those things she became resentful?

And in terms of trying to have a heart to heart talk, it’s near impossible. Last Christmas I exploded at my parents in front of my whole family for belittling me like they always like to do. They see it as “fun harmless teasing” but I don’t see it that way. Afterwards, I wanted to sit and talk to my mother about it, but instead of that, she ran away to her room and came out 30 mins later when the drama died down and then acted like NOTHING EVEN HAPPENED. It’s just super frustrating that i can’t even have a conversation with my mother since she likes to pretend I don’t exist. I’m literally the black sheep and it feels AWFUL. 😪

Anxiety (Including GAD)

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