Struggling with Social Anxiety and Alcohol in AA Meetings

Yes actually, I got horrible rebound anxiety when I quit because I was abusing benzodiazepines along with meth and heroin basically daily. Every time I left the house it was a panic attack. What helped me is to have someone to talk about it with. Once you figure out how to push through the anxiety and start speaking to AA people and getting to know them, they will have your back no matter what. Many of us addicts and alcoholics have or had crippling anxiety at some point in our lives, and you're not alone. I raised my hand scared shitless and when they called on me I just asked for a sponsor and that was it. Still my sponsor to this day.

I love AA, I've been going for 7 years and it took me a lot of time to settle into it and feel comfortable sharing. I just listened for the longest time. AA isn't for everyone but from my personal experience it has changed my life. It took a long time to get past the God thing but once I read the Big Book I understood that it's a God of my understanding. I'm a very spiritual, not religious person. Maybe having a friend that goes with you would be helpful. It would need to be an open meeting if they're not alcoholic or addicts but maybe it would help to make you feel more comfortable. All I know is even when I didn't speak, listening planted a lot of seeds for me. Feel free to reach out and message me anytime. I can be a sober safe friend!

Try lots of diff meetings. Try online meetings. I had a sponsor who made me talk to 3 ppl after every meeting (if I couldn't figure it out, then 1.the speaker 2. A newcomer and 3. Someone whose share I related too. Also- if there are people who's energy or personality or sobriety you like, then ask what meetings they go to, and go to them. Ask to tag along for coffee if they don't ask you. Do fellowship. It's awkward af but can save your life. (best if it's same gender honestly- and I say this even being bi- there are predatory ppl in sobriety and you don't want to be targeted by one, or appear as one)

Even if you go to zoom meetings with your camera and mic off, pay attention and take notes, others advice usually helps me get through the hard times. If you ever need to talk, please dm me

I hate AA. I go sometimes. I've had to go to secular zoom meetings. And even one of them wanted me to turn my camera on so I logged out. Keep trying. It's hard out there.