Feeling Worthless and Hopeless

i hate myself so much that i just don't care about anything. i don't care if i look good, or clean, or presentable, i don't care. i feel like such a shit person and i feel so shitty that to me it doesn't even matter how i look, if i look good i still feel like shit so might as well look like shit. it won't help because im not a good person and i don't deserve nice things. im not suicidal but i hate myself so much i wish i could just erease my existence so that no one ever knew i existed, like my mark on the world just completely ereased. i wish i could disappear and no one ever knew about me because ik if i kill myself now it'll hurt everyone because unfortunately i had to be born and fuck everything up. i wish everyone could see me the way i see myself so they could hate me too and i could die in peace. but i can't hurt everyone. and i want to get better. so ill keep attempting to do the basic stuff and attempting to make myself care in hopes that eventually i actually will like myself and i will care. thanks for reading. ✌️