AshleeSVU

50d

I struggle with being supportive like I used to be. I was almost on call for my friends and loved ones. I wish that energy was the same for me. I'm in chronic pain constantly, and struggling with anxiety and depression. And people get mad when I can't be there for them. I can't do what I used to but I try. I push myself every single day, and feel like such a failure when I come up short. I want to do so much more than what my body allows me to do. And it all just makes me feel even worse.

Generalized pain

Diabetic Neuropathy

Lethargy

Anxiety (Including GAD)

Depression

View all
  • Akemi

    50d

    I understand first hand what you mean. There is nothing wrong with needing time to let yourself rest. You can't give them what you dont have. Take some time to care for yourself and recover. Once you've done that you may not feel perfect but you'll feel closer to your normal self and able to help again. Buy helping yourself has to come first. You'll feel bad at first but once you start getting back on track you'll know it was worth it

    • AshleeSVU

      50d

      yes absolutely! Thank you so much 🥰.

  • funnygirl

    50d

    Exactly! How are you going to be there for others if you are struggling yourself. If you communicate with them reminding them about what's going on(and it's obnoxiously repetitive I know), which I've had to do and continue to do, with those who don't have pain or other issues, THEY NEVER REMEMBER. If they don't understand then you may have to make some new friends and if it's family...you may have some harder decisions to make. I kept going through a cycle of being treated like shit but going back to those doing it because they were gaslighting me to think it was all me. If you don't know what gaslighting truly is, in all aspects, I would look it up . It flipped a switch for me. I realized how much time and energy I wasted on bad friends.

    • dolphinblues

      50d

      gaslighting is soooo frustrating!! My family are pros at it. And I fall for it easily. I'm getting better at recognizing it and reminding myself that it's not my fault.

    • AshleeSVU

      50d

      thank you. And yes I do know gaslighting, and it's exactly how I felt. But I am still a work in progress when it comes to boundaries. I have to for my own health. I used to always say anything you need anytime. And I didn't have boundaries at all. I learned my lesson.

  • DumpsterFire32

    50d

    It's all too easy to be there for others and neglect ourselves. Just remember that you are important and you need to be there for yourself just as you've been there for others. We all need support and sometimes we can only get it from ourselves

    • AshleeSVU

      50d

      that's so true. I had to unlearn bad habits and teach myself self-care is not selfish. I used to always feel selfish and guilty, and still do sometimes.

  • dolphinblues

    50d

    I completely understand. I feel the same way. I used to drop everything when someone asked me for help. To the point of neglecting my own needs. Nowadays, it's all I can do to just take care of daily tasks. I barely have the energy for that, so I have none to give to anyone else. I feel terrible when I can't be there for them. It hurts when they get mad at me over it. Bottom line is that we have to put ourselves first. We have to advocate for our own needs. When someone gets mad because we can't be there at the drop of a pin, it is not our fault. We should not feel bad because of it.

    • AshleeSVU

      50d

      very true. It is hard, but as I corrected years of that I didn't feel that heavy weight. I wondered why I always felt so stressed like I had the world on my shoulders, I took on so many peoples problems. And it felt good to set it down. It literally made me sick. And many didn't come to my aid, they just got upset because I couldn't come to there's. I learned a hard lesson.

      • dolphinblues

        50d

        it is amazing how much lighter I felt once I realized that I don't have to carry it all on my shoulders. I never even considered that it caused actual physical illness too. Being able to put myself first was a long, hard road. It also took a while to learn how to effectively respond to all the negative, hateful and disrespectful things others said when they didn't get what they wanted. But, it definitely was worth it.

  • TLR

    50d

    I also suffer from chronic pain and anxiety and depression. I'm under stress a lot at home to do things for other people. What helps me is to use my boundaries and reserve time for myself for self care, hobbies, exercise, and rest. Sometimes you can't always be there for everyone. I have a lot of friends and they understand if I don't talk to them in awhile I try to limit my friends phone calls to twice a week. If they are good friends they will understand if you have a lot on your plate and need more time for yourself.

    • AshleeSVU

      50d

      thank you. And you are absolutely correct. I blame myself for not setting boundaries. When I tried in the past I would feel guilty behind it. But I need them now because I have to focus on my health. So I agree and appreciate that so much.

  • SunnyShark

    50d

    I feel this way too. I had a domino effect happen after a friendship went nuclear and from there I just fell apart as more and more went to hell. I'm still reeling from it all and seeing that no one was capable of putting in the same amount of work or effort I did was painful. When they needed me I put everything into helping. When I needed them I was abandoned. Worse, it's like the second I couldn't perform at the same level as i had for so long they started misreading me and making wrong assumptions. It wad like they forgot who I was and why I fid things. Friendships I've had for 15+ years and suddenly they forgot that I operate a bit differently but all it takes is a moment to ask. Instead they decided who I was without even consulting me. Now I'm just so tired and sick to my heart. I'm falling apart even as I'm pushing myself to keep it together.

    • AshleeSVU

      50d

      I completely get that. I know what it's like to struggle to rebuild your support team again. I made the assumption that people I loved on and helped over the years, friends and family included; that they would be there. And they all weren't. I had to heal from that and move forward. I loss a huge part of my support team, and it was traumatizing. Both of my grandparents, my pastor, my boyfriend. Back to back. It hurt so bad. I am still on my healing journey mourning thier loss. I am still learning boundaries and self care. I know things in life traumatizes you and makes you feel like you are falling apart. It is okay to not be okay. It is even okay to fall apart and rebuild piece by piece a better version of yourself. I am right there with you. I know I don't know you. But you are strong and it will be okay. If you ever need someone I am here. We can talk. 💖

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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