Emily55

241d

Idk what’s wrong with me and my therapist refuses to label me. Since I was about 12-15 years old I developed fears around choking and would only eat like tomato soup. I would feel impulsive to swallow and fear and now I’m 22 and have to make noises when I eat to make sure I’m not choking. I often spit food out . However I don’t have a big body image issue. But whatever I have is miserable. Makes it hard to enjoy food. But I can also binge eat on junk food sometimes and be fine. It’s very odd .

Anorexia nervosa, binge eating/purging type

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  • Sarah24

    241d

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it sounds so so hard. So some therapists hesitate from diagnosing because they worry clients will take it as a label and identify with it, however it could be something else. I’m not trying to project or assume but it kind of sounds, to me, like a form of ocd where there’s the fear of choking, the compulsion to make noises to make sure you’re not choking and maybe if there’s fear that if you don’t make the noises you’ll choke it could fall into that? I know there’s emetophobia which fear of throwing up and this sounds different but I don’t think that it’s weird. Spitting out food and restricting types of food definitely fits descriptions of some eating disorders and going from that to binging can be such a confusing and exhausting pendulum swing. It also in a way sounds a little like ARFID as well, avoidant restrictive food intake disorder, where you restrict to certain safe foods, it can be fear of choking, fear of contamination, fear of getting sick/throwing up, all of that can fall into that but again seeking out a label can feel limiting when there’s different things going on - I guess I’m trying to say I know having an identified “yes this is the problem” can be so relieving but not having that diagnosis doesn’t make your experience any less real. I hope this helps in some way and I’m here to talk if you need

    • Emily55

      241d

      I deep dived into ARFID a bit and it sounds like this somewhat. I do have OCD, what I learned today ARFID can be linked to OCD. And I was like oh wow shocker there! When I was younger I would not do a compulsion and make noises but more so severely restrict myself at one point I tried to put corn in a blender. And I had basically starved myself for 3 months with only a couple bites of food a day maybe and lost weight. It’s kinda been and off and on thing. It’s very confusing to me I only really binge on foods that are safe and live by a bland diet. Thank you for your input I’m reaching out to a few doctors !

      • Sarah24

        241d

        I’m glad you’ve got a few answers! I hope you find a good doctor who can help. With these kinds of thing a usually exposure therapy is the best which sounds really scary and I’m not saying you should right now, but I’ve restricted myself to very few safe foods, given for different reasons, and I got through some of that. It’s really hard but I know you can get through it. And I’m not all the way there yet either but I know people who have fully recovered from arfid with ocd so it’s possible! I’m here for you

  • butterfly_bones

    239d

    That sounds like a mix of arfid and bed to be honest

  • strawberrydog

    239d

    Reading the comments above and I have to agree. It definitely sounds like ARFID and can possibly be linked with your OCD though I don’t want to diagnose you. Maybe talk to your therapist and see why they’re hesitant on a diagnosis, maybe they’re just unsure of which one?

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