Anxiety Attack at Boyfriend's Work

had a really bad episode today. i went to school and it was fine, i got bored and was alone for abt an hour before going to my boyfriends work . i wasnt sure where to go so i thought id visit him. i waited in the parking lot for an hour until he was off and the whole time my anticipatory anxiety increased. he got in the car and i drove him to his house. we parked at the entrance to the neighborhood and i began to cry. this went on for about three hours. i repeatedly talked down on myself and confessed suicidal ideation without realizing. i get into this state when im hysterical, i lose my filter. after the third hour my boyfriend admitted he couldnt console me any longer because it was taking a toll on him, which was completely understandable but very much not what i wanted to hear at the time. this made me very very angry and as he walked away i screamed and cried. i know im the bad guy here but i really am getting out of control and i wanna be better :(