Struggling with Relationship Issues

Sending you love and strength, this sounds like a very difficult situation. My ex was a lot like this. I also read your comment about him saying he wished you were more pale, my ex used to tell me that he really hated that I was white because him and his family had a strong dislike of white people and would always compare me to an animal and stuff and it was just really confusing because like I can't change my race sorry? Just like you can't get more pale. It's so frustrating and they know what they're doing. Like why bring up things I can't change?;

I feel like I’m definitely a big portion of the problem. When we got together, there was a lot that happened and I’m really insecure now. But he’s pointed so much out on my body that has made it so much worse. But nope, I was always this way. I’m high school and college, I had a crazy amount of confidence. “I would loveeee if you had milky white skin”. He said that yesterday and I told him “I wish you had darker skin” even tho it’s not true, I love him and his skin 😂 but it was the fact that I can’t make my skin any whiter, keep in mind, I’m pale! And we fought for 3 hours after that! It was crazy. Apparently since I said that, I was just trying to be a bitch but no! I was trying to explain that saying that was pointless. I can’t change my skin tone. Now can I change personality traits? Yes. I could even get darker! BUT I’m as white as I can be! And that’s WHITE 😂 why point out things ppl can’t help? And then expect them to be comfortable in their own skin. Lol

Coming from someone who has experienced domestic abuse, he is emotionally abusing you and he knows exactly what he's doing. He's pulling your string to trigger you and then gaslighting you and trying his best to make you feel worthless. I know it's hard, but you need to get out. I didn't realize my relationship was bad until he smacked me in front of his friends and one of them came to me later and told me that behavior wasn't okay and I deserved better. You deserve better and you can give yourself a better life if you get out and cut ties as much as you can. There is no shame in going to a women's shelter, they'll keep you safe and keep him away from you, many of them let you bring your kids as well and have apartments you can rent for cheap once you get back on your feet. If you need money for an UberX to get you and your stuff and your kids out, there are organizations that will pay for it so you can get out. There is a lot of help out here, you just need to decide for yourself that yes, he is abusing you and yes, it's on purpose.