Katie11

226d

I am so depressed. My relationship is falling apart, my life is falling apart, I feel like I’m not useful to anyone In my life. It’s so sad. I have no one to talk to..my boyfriend tells me that I’m 90% of the problem and he’s 10% but it’s not true. He pushes and pushes until I blow up and then calls me crazy..my throat is sore right now from crying and screaming. I thought my head was going to pop off because I screamed so loud. Before that, I got griped at for 3 hours about all the ways I needed to change. But what happened when I mentioned ways he needed to change? We didn’t even have a discussion. It breaks my heart. I love him so much. 💔 I don’t know how to fix this when he won’t work with me. I’m sure I’m a handful! I’ve done wrong 100%! But when you can’t acknowledge and work on your faults, I’d say you’re more than 10% of the problem. I just need encouragement that I have worth still. It’s been said so much that I should be a better mom, better girlfriend, I’m a POS, stupid b!tch, etc that it’s getting to me. 😭

Depression

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  • Philo_The_Great

    226d

    Been there done that, and I’m not sure what to say, but I believe you deserve better, and if you want, do you want to be friends? Im not that well at advice, but I’m a good listener if you want to rant

    • Katie11

      226d

      I don’t even think I know what I want 😂 I’m just tired of being called names and every day getting told all the things I do wrong! I have no one left in my life. I feel very alone. I don’t know if I am going crazy or if I am getting pushed to believe I am, if that makes sense.

      • Philo_The_Great

        226d

        ya know, I felt the same. I was called worthless, unwanted, I was always told I couldn’t do anything right. I’ve tried ending everything before. I lost everyone I cared for cause they found "better" people. But because of all of that it made me a little stronger, sure I have my bad days, but at least I’m happier. Finding people who see your worth and beauty, will make life more brighter. I don’t think you are crazy, I think you just met the wrong people. You just have to tell yourself that you are great, no matter what others say, and that you are strong and trying your best everyday

  • Alalah

    226d

    Sweetheart 🥺 sounds like they boyfriends got to go. You sound like a beautiful soul. Don’t let him rip that from you. Keep strong even when you think your going to fall apart. I am here if you ever want to talk.

  • Marface

    226d

    Coming from someone who has experienced domestic abuse, he is emotionally abusing you and he knows exactly what he's doing. He's pulling your string to trigger you and then gaslighting you and trying his best to make you feel worthless. I know it's hard, but you need to get out. I didn't realize my relationship was bad until he smacked me in front of his friends and one of them came to me later and told me that behavior wasn't okay and I deserved better. You deserve better and you can give yourself a better life if you get out and cut ties as much as you can. There is no shame in going to a women's shelter, they'll keep you safe and keep him away from you, many of them let you bring your kids as well and have apartments you can rent for cheap once you get back on your feet. If you need money for an UberX to get you and your stuff and your kids out, there are organizations that will pay for it so you can get out. There is a lot of help out here, you just need to decide for yourself that yes, he is abusing you and yes, it's on purpose.

  • Katie11

    226d

    I feel like I’m definitely a big portion of the problem. When we got together, there was a lot that happened and I’m really insecure now. But he’s pointed so much out on my body that has made it so much worse. But nope, I was always this way. I’m high school and college, I had a crazy amount of confidence. “I would loveeee if you had milky white skin”. He said that yesterday and I told him “I wish you had darker skin” even tho it’s not true, I love him and his skin 😂 but it was the fact that I can’t make my skin any whiter, keep in mind, I’m pale! And we fought for 3 hours after that! It was crazy. Apparently since I said that, I was just trying to be a bitch but no! I was trying to explain that saying that was pointless. I can’t change my skin tone. Now can I change personality traits? Yes. I could even get darker! BUT I’m as white as I can be! And that’s WHITE 😂 why point out things ppl can’t help? And then expect them to be comfortable in their own skin. Lol

  • Cas_499

    226d

    Sending you love and strength, this sounds like a very difficult situation. My ex was a lot like this. I also read your comment about him saying he wished you were more pale, my ex used to tell me that he really hated that I was white because him and his family had a strong dislike of white people and would always compare me to an animal and stuff and it was just really confusing because like I can't change my race sorry? Just like you can't get more pale. It's so frustrating and they know what they're doing. Like why bring up things I can't change?;

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