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OpalPixie

701d

I've been dealing with a lotbof emotional roller coaster for a while on and off. It seems like every time I'll get ahead someone or something sets me back. I have a therapist but my therapist has giving up on me and recommends I find someone else. I'm at a lost now and I don't know what to do anymore. I can get over the fact my bf has a "girl friend" that wants nothing to do with me but to cause problems in my relationship with him. And my boyfriend is so blind to it that my family and everyone I have told are sick of hearing it and thinking I'm the one that should just ignore it, accept it, and move on. His family already don't want me in their family now and I just put all my savings into this house we live in together. I have been threatened to get kicked out and I have no money to hold me over. My boyfriend already said he doesn't care for my apologize or anything now. I feel so alone here and unwanted by everyone now. Like I feel like the universe or God is doing this to me on to teach me something but I don't know what it is and why. My therapist told me I should write a book for others to read because I have dealt with so much pain, emotional torture, physical torture, depression, family problems, relationship problems, and more. Hence why when I do go talk to a therapist or doctors they don't know what to diagnose me with but C-PTSD. I need help because I'm breaking down to nothing now, and I don't know how much longer I can take it. I already started to hurt myself by punching myself, cutting myself with my nails that now I have to keep them short, I'll be doing dishes and I think about hurting myself with a knife. Everyone tells me to go to a inpatient hospital but I can't afford it and I just got a new job that I don't want to lose because I need the money for incase I get kicked out of my home and have to live in my car with my dogs because my family won't take me back in.

Top reply
    • OuchiePrincess

      673d

      You are not alone. You are deserving and worthy of help. Please keep trying. I know it hurts so much and sometimes everything seems so pointless but I believe in the future where you have a happier life. it sucks that we have to fight for it bc we’ve already been through so much and feel so shitty, and it is a very dark time rn. But fighting for yourself is always worth it. I believe in you, and your worth. You deserve better. Keep trying to work your plan to get away. Even loneliness is better than abuse. It doesn’t feel like it at first. But give it time.

    • OuchiePrincess

      673d

      You are not alone. You are deserving and worthy of help. Please keep trying. I know it hurts so much and sometimes everything seems so pointless but I believe in the future where you have a happier life. it sucks that we have to fight for it bc we’ve already been through so much and feel so shitty, and it is a very dark time rn. But fighting for yourself is always worth it. I believe in you, and your worth. You deserve better. Keep trying to work your plan to get away. Even loneliness is better than abuse. It doesn’t feel like it at first. But give it time.

    • Dad.of.Many

      699d

      Prayers for you. I am a believer and follower of God, and I always find that talking to him throughout the day helps. I also keep a journal on my phone about my conversations with him. I know some on here don't believe as I do, and I'm not pushing my beliefs, just letting you know that is what works for me.

      • OpalPixie

        696d

        @Dad.of.Many maybe I should journal my thoughts. I have it that people don't really talk to me unless I engage in activities or conversations first.

    • SheilaCarty

      700d

      🙏

      • OpalPixie

        700d

        @SheilaCarty thank you so much 💕

    • RainbowPearl

      700d

      Why would you have to leave the house and not him?

      • RainbowPearl

        699d

        @RainbowPearl There should be community outreach programs in your area that will help with short term housing and other needs. You should be able to Google it for the area you live in. If you can prove that you've put money into the house you should also have legal recourse. It's not hopeless. Even if worse comes to worse.

        • OpalPixie

          696d

          @RainbowPearl I don't know wherebto find this because I just paid him directly, not the place. Like he put out the money and then I just paid him half.

      • OpalPixie

        700d

        @RainbowPearl it's his house not mine

    • dimemanda

      701d

      Looks like you have been through worse in your past, and survived. So seems like can live through what you are dealing with today,

      • OpalPixie

        701d

        @dimemanda yeah but how much more do I have to take until I finally be happy

        • dimemanda

          701d

          @OpalPixie be happy that you have 2 dogs that love you. They are a blessing to you. They love you unconditional, go to work everyday and you will develop good friendships at work too. It may be tuff right now but you can get through it. I'm sure going home to your dogs after a long day is a great feeling

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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