Heather247

204d

I am fighting depression pretty much every day. Today I feel almost like I have two different voices, one logical telling me I don't want to live this way anymore and I don't want to do this today. The other is emotional, telling me to crumble, sit down, don't do anything at all... give up. As a SAHM of 4; 12,6,2 and almost 1, I am home most of 7 days a week. The oldest hit puberty and is exactly how I was when I was her age which is scary and stressful. My 6 year old has autism but luckily he is very mild mannered and such a sweet boy but we have had many learning barriers a long the way. My two youngest nearly always attached in the day and co sleeping at night. My significant other works 3rd shift so he doesn't come to bed until I get up in the morning, and when he is home he is minimally helpful and tisks or sucks his teeth a lot of the time I ask him for help with a simple task. He has spent the majority of his free time the last several years playing a game that he has invested probably thousands of dollars on while we have struggled to feed our family and pay our bills. Not to mention all the time he has taken off of work just because he didn't feel like going. I feel like everything is solely my responsibility; getting the older kids up ready and to school, breakfast lunch and dinner, grocery shopping and meal planning, buying any other household necessities, playtime with the kids, learning time with them, cleaning, laundry... buying diapers... like everything is my responsibility. I struggle to leave my house to do some of these tasks and I struggle to take my kids outside on beautiful days. I don't take care of myself right away in the morning and sometimes not at all. I feel like it's never ending and if I even think about taking a break I will regret it later. Also, thinking I may have symptoms of ADHD so it's not just depression playing a part in this.

Depression

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