minime273

287d

tw: mentions of friend abuse and violence.

So I don't know if it's school stress causing it, or if it comes from some other stressor (though school stress is the most obviously bothersome), but my bad dreams have become nightmares and I'm in the somniphobic pattern again, scared to sleep. I have violent nightmares, not in how they look to others thankfully but in the contents. The most disruptive one lately, I was mislead into essentially being chained and beaten for an audience.
Y'all, I'm scared. I think school stress is causing this because the lack of free time means less self-management and self-care. so I've been feeling depressed in the same way I when I was at the peak of my abuse... but is that triggering the trauma or is the trauma causing a major emotional flashback? I can't tell anymore, but I know that this heavy weight was hard to deal with the first time around, and I don't know that I want to see what happens this time around.
... Mostly, I think I just wish the trauma would go hide in its hole and bury itself for a few more years until I get a good therapist again.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Memory Loss

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