SunInAugust

43d

But what if we actually are too much?
I know there is a really big push to comfort people who are neurodivergent to remind them that their needs are not unreasonable. They are valid needs. And maybe the people in their life can't meet them and that doesn't make those people inadequate, either. Everybody has needs and some peoples needs are heavier than others.

But what if I actually am too much? That the culmination of the big feelings and deep thoughts, my intensity, the overwhelming trauma, what if - in asking if the people around me who are loving and good can help meet my needs - I emotionally bankrupt good people. Sure, they have a responsibility to express their boundaries, the limits of their capacities. But there is this tension where they care and want to help but feel helpless to actually meet my needs because my needs are just....so big.
And so I spread it out across as many people as I can and...its still insufficient. So I practice self soothing and coping skills and go to therapy and read the books and occasionally contact the crisis hotlines...and its still insufficient.
I'm a good person doing my best and I have good people in my life doing their best.
And its not enough.
Because, functionally, I'm too much.

Complex post traumatic stress disorder

Depression

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

View all
  • Sayre

    43d

    You just put into words something I’ve been struggling with getting out. Thank you! I feel the same way my trauma is so big no one would want to deal with me. How can anyone want me as a friend if this big elephant is in the relationship? I think the answer is maybe those of us that have trauma band together because we know what the other is dealing with. I think the biggest road block for family members is maybe they don’t know because they did not go through it. It’s the walk a mile in my shoes deal. If you ever want to talk PM me I’m here.

  • AllostaticOverload

    43d

    Sometimes progress is so glacially slow that it's hard to see. If the people around you feel helpless to meet your needs, then aren't they feeling the same way that you feel? It's a lot, and it's hard, and there's no way to partition all of the suffering away from everyone else. It sounds like you're doing everything right, and people around you might be, too. But healing from this takes a lot of time. To some extent, disability may always burden others. I keep thinking of Kafka's Metamorphosis. But, someone told me that people who come through trauma tend to be more realized, because they have to question and rebuild fundamental parts of themselves. You are probably more of the good things, and not just the bad, like an extremely bright flame. The people around you feel like it's worth it to help you, even if it's a lot for them. When you have a good day, maybe you can point it out to them and celebrate together.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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