I've been at a comfortable place in my transition for a while now, but as I try dating again I feel like there's always going to be something missing. I'm a gay trans guy and I feel so alienated in gay male spaces. I didn't grow up as a boy being ostracized for my attraction to other boys. I can't help but feel like an imposter in those spaces, and that when I try to talk to people there's something missing from my experience, keeping me from feeling fully at peace with my community. It's been really hard. I've been single for 8 years now and while Im not rushing to find my one true love, I would still like to feel like I belong in these spaces.
You worded this so eloquently. I've been trying to put that feeling into words for a while but you hit the nail on the head. Good luck navigating the dating scene!
Being a gay man doesn’t have to just be about a shared trauma of being victimized by your attraction. You could rethink it as this is fine because we both have issues pertaining to our lgbtq+ roots and share a sense of community through that :) bonding through self discovery has helped me comfortably date cis men as a trans man. Bonding over our search for safe spaces, etc. even times we’ve felt unsafe are fine but I fully accept that my situation will always be different. It’s hard to not have those specific things other gay men have but also there’s so much other common ground I had to find to solidify myself
Being gay isn't just about the trauma growing up, PLENTY of cis gays never experienced that either, some didn't even know they were gay or show any "signs" to be discriminated against for in the first place until they were adults. The gay community is not exclusive to cis gay men, we are just a part of the community as any other man, you shouldn't have to prove that you belong there through subjective experiences that are not inclusive of the community at large.
But if you're nervous or uncomfortable about going into the dating scene by starting with people with different experiences with manhood and boyhood you could start by talking to/flirting with/dating other trans men.
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