Struggling with Communication in Relationships

i don't know what to do anymore. i really don't i hate myself so fucking bad for being like this. im just such an upsetting person. i made the literal love of my life leave me and i don't blame them i kept messing up. when i mess up i usually say something that im not supposed to like an intrusive thought or i get upset because i can't hear tone in people's voices. those things cause a lot of problems. im also very bad at communicating and just not thinking before i talk. i don't know what to do it what's wrong with me. i miss them so much and i love them and i just want them to come back i can't do this alone i don't know what to do.