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Living with the fact that my FP hates me

goofers

838d

How do i live with the fact that my FP hates me? So for reference i was dating this guy for two years. And it was surprisingly healthy for the first year and a half. But towards the end i started to get obsessive. Getting panic attacks while he was out, not leaving my room and just spending my days waiting for him to get back. Sometimes even calling him saying that because he was out i was having a panic attack and asking him if it would be possible for him to leave. A week or so later I had an attempted suicide which i could tell really hurt him. Long story short i knew and he knew that i wasn’t healthy so i moved out and left. Then afterwards i kept desperate texting him because i was so scared that my only source of happiness was gone. Eventually i blocked him because he said that he didn’t want to talk to me anymore and i knew it was for the best but a couple months after that he still doesn’t want to talk to me. We have the same friend group so every time i hear his voice in a call or see him at a party or something i get so much anxiety and feel so much guilt that i stopped hanging out with my friends if i knew he would be there out of consideration or whatever excuses im still coming up with. Im seeing a new guy now and im not even interested romantically in my ex anymore but i still obsess on his opinion of me and i have been suicidal because of it. I don’t even miss him i just don’t want him to dislike me you know? Sorry this was really long but i seriously don’t know what to do because even now the thoughts of him pretty much control my life

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Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

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    • Ari_c_b

      838d

      ive been in that exact situation. there was this girl that I became in love with and she said she didn't have feelings for me. she ended the friendship and I ended up with a suicide attempt. a year later she apologized and asked to be friends again, and I still had feelings so I eventually told her. she said she also had feelings this time but she wasn't ready to date anyone. I waited for three years while she dated other guys and I even ended the friendship many of times, but I always came back to her. eventually I tried to end my life again, over the fact she had a long-term boyfriend. she agreed to going out with me after she and his guy broke up, but that wasn't good enough for me. I cried and self harmed and told her it was my fault I was going to end my life. she eventually agreed to three dates. everything seemed good until we met up and all she was talking about was her boyfriend. I eventually ended up threatening to kill her and her boyfriend and that was it for her. she ended everything and I have a feeling this is it forever. I know what your going through and honestly the only thing that can help is time. I'm here for you if you ever want to talk. just know your not alone <3

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    • Ari_c_b

      838d

      ive been in that exact situation. there was this girl that I became in love with and she said she didn't have feelings for me. she ended the friendship and I ended up with a suicide attempt. a year later she apologized and asked to be friends again, and I still had feelings so I eventually told her. she said she also had feelings this time but she wasn't ready to date anyone. I waited for three years while she dated other guys and I even ended the friendship many of times, but I always came back to her. eventually I tried to end my life again, over the fact she had a long-term boyfriend. she agreed to going out with me after she and his guy broke up, but that wasn't good enough for me. I cried and self harmed and told her it was my fault I was going to end my life. she eventually agreed to three dates. everything seemed good until we met up and all she was talking about was her boyfriend. I eventually ended up threatening to kill her and her boyfriend and that was it for her. she ended everything and I have a feeling this is it forever. I know what your going through and honestly the only thing that can help is time. I'm here for you if you ever want to talk. just know your not alone <3

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    • violetblood

      838d

      i’ve been in a similar situation before & honestly, i think it’s best to just try to move on from him & not think about him. it will eventually get easier, i promise!! i know how hard it is to move on from your fp, but you got this!! feel free to dm me if you need to <3

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    • Acacia

      838d

      Im sorry hun. Its hard

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