Should We Stay Together After Trauma?

If it's trauma, the two of you should stop dating & be just friends. Find a way to communicate in words (and not fists or sexual violence). There's blunt force trauma & sharp force trauma.

its clear both of you need to work on yourselves. you cant be in a happy relationship unless both of you are happy and really ready for one. i do think you should do what you feel is right in continuing this relationship - but i would have both of you get help seperate from eachother so you can focus on yourselves out of a relationship

Honestly this sounds pretty toxic and abusive for both of you. And it’s hard enough for one person to work on their stuff, let alone two. Bipolar also needs to be medicated and go through therapy - I had a relationship about this long with an abuser/toxic boyfriend in my 20s and I understand the sunk cost fallacy. But you should probably focus on yourself and making yourself happy.