Struggling with Self-Destructive Habits and Seeking Help

i feel like i am digging a deep hole. i’ve recently realized that i’m not progressing and healing the way i should. my medications are not right for me or atleast the dosages aren’t, i’m hurting my body constantly with alcohol, vaping and not to mention other drugs i do occasionally and on top of that i don’t eat well and never getting any sleep and then i wonder why i’m not getting better. i have great coping methods like breathing, journaling, drinking lots of water, doing skin care and just taking care of my body hygienically and i also have extreme self awareness but those are useless if i continue to abuse my body like this and this is the first time i’ve admitted to that because obviously nobody likes quitting drugs. this entire time i’ve been self aware but even though i’m self aware it’s like i’m just watching myself make terrible choices anyway. i need to get a psychiatrist but there are such long waiting lists and very little available. i just need advice or motivation of some kind because i feel like i am so deep in a hole and don’t know what to do.