Struggling with Miscarriage and Abuse: Need Advice

⚠️Trigger Warning: Miscarriage and Abuse⚠️ On September 11th, I had my third miscarriage at 13 weeks… This was the first one I sought medical attention for and it was awful to say the least… I went in complaining of naval pain and nausea and was diagnosed with a subchlorionic hemorrhage, they never tried to check for a heartbeat, only checked for a fetus in the womb on an ultrasound screen, which they wouldn’t allow me to see… “the baby’s perfectly healthy” the nurse said, “this hemorrhage happens when there is still blood in the womb at the time of conception” two days of stabbing pain in my abdomen, all the while my fiancé was in denial, irritated by how many times we’ve gone to the emergency room in one week. I made an appointment with my midwife a week after my 12 week appointment, and on that day an hour before my appointment, I found myself back in the emergency room. It took them an hour to get me into a room and as soon as they did, I took my pants off and two large clots the size of my feet fell onto the floor and they immediately send in the sonographer in and do both an internal and external ultrasound this time…Another hour goes by and the doctor finally comes in to confirm what I already knew and threw salt in the wound by sending in an OBGYN, who was in her third trimester to give me a d&c… This has been the hardest miscarriage I’ve had and I lost my first to being abused by my ex boyfriend, who punched me in the stomach 5 times cuz I didn’t want to sleep with him… I’m still struggling to cope with this loss and everytime I get my period I’m constantly reminded of it… Idk what to do, I miss my baby so much and my fiancé as moved on and feels like he can’t help me because he wasn’t there when I miscarried… I need advise…