Struggling with Mental Health and Trauma

Hey, First time posting here but I made my account several months back when my friend told me about this app. So a brief into to myself, I am Hermiod. I am just like everyone other person in the world, or better yet that's how I want people to see me. People see me as this strong and resolute guy who sacrifices what he has to see others improve. Like I said, that's how I want people to see me, because if they saw me...I feel like I would lose what little pride I have left. Mentally I'm messed up. I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks that get so bad to the point that it feels like I'm having a week-long heart attack, I also am really quick to get depressed. I've had a lot of trauma in my life. I has abused by my mom and dad either physically or mentally over the years and it was no better in middle school and high school. I gravitated towards a few groups but was always the punch line for every crappy joke and I was typically ostracized when I stood up for myself. So I'm sort of a loner and just let all sorts of mental stuff surround me. It isn't like anyone is gonna help me. I've gone to my friends and they've seemed to gone and disappeared (excluding the friend I have that introduced me to Alike). I may also be an alcoholic, not a severe one but I do enjoy one or two or three...or four drinks a night depending on how my day went. Typically I will have a couple drinks to sort of clear the air around me and help me focus on what's in front of me. Lately not so much. It's been two bottles of Cali Red after eating nothing all day except for maybe a couple cups of bone broth and loads of water. I went through a breakup recently and I feel like it's my fault because I wasn't there for my ex when they needed me the most. I have blamed myself for a lot. that doesn't help with my mental issues either. I just need help soon. Even if it's just from people who have gone or are still going through issues like me and will just talk about it.