Struggling with Identity and Communication in My Head

I hate not knowing who I am.. I hate feeling like I'm not even real .. I feel so fricking dizzy and idk how to ground myself ... I can't even tell if the others are active and our host is having trouble communicating in our head .. and because of this Bs we might not be able to transition.. I'm so tired of this.. I'm scared if we get diegnosed that we'll be barred from trans care .. but if we don't get diegnosed we'll have to still tiptoe online because stupid people like to take (not diegnosed) as (doesn't exist) I feel so angry for no reason I hate it