Struggling with CPTSD and Hyper-Vigilance

For me, CPTSD feels like it comes in waves. I’m never without my trauma or trauma-responses, but how much I struggle seems to vary. Lately, I’ve been struggling a lot. The thing is that this particular batch of trauma that’s bothering me were things I used to consider unconnected. Then I realized a connection within the events. The incidents were violent in nature. In a way I wasn’t before, I am incredibly on edge; I’m more hyper-vigilant than ever, worried that everyone who I don’t absolutely trust is going to try to hurt me. It’s extremely stressful, and even going to the grocery store lately is an issue, because I’m worried any minor conflict will end in violence. I don’t want to be like this. I withdrew from most social circles and even almost ruined my friendship with my best friend because I got so conflict-avoidant that I wouldn’t even do online hangouts as usual. I’m glad my support system is as understanding as they are, because of how hard it’s been lately. I always appreciate my support system, and I try to always give thanks for the support, but I know that it doesn’t make it easier for them. I’m just… tired of dealing with it. I need to start therapy again to maybe start working through it, but finding a therapist near me hasn’t been easy.