Struggling with BPD and Suicidal Thoughts at Work

As I continue my night I get less and less ok. Im starting to question thinks, I think my BPD is seriously putting itself into play. Im starting to feel suicidal. I want to go home from work but I cant be alone right now. Im stuck at work and have to hide my phone to even be on here. I don't want to call anyone or go into q hospital cause I've been taking a lot of time of from work lately and I'm afraid if I admit myself into the hospital ill have q huge ass bill that ill continue to stress over as I get out. im not ok and I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose my job. I already fucked my relationship by saying we needed a break and broke up with him... I feel like once again that was just my symptom of my bpd and I just acted super self destructive and fucked my life up. Hes the only thing that pulled me out of my depression last time... I don't think he'll help me now. im NOT ok