Struggling with a Lost Love

I don't even know what's going on anymore. I've been making so many mistakes with people. Especially, the guy I love... there isn't anything more I can do anymore. I apologized, tried to reach out, etc.. I miss him a lot and I want us to make amends but he's just been ghosting me. We are still friends on most social media and yet I get absolutely nothing. I don't get it. 😒 I thought I got over it and accepted it but it seems like I never got over it. I'm literally so fucking numb at this point. I'm hopeless, done, but yet I want to keep fighting but I see nothing in my life worth fighting for.. I just want to sleep my days away. People have told me to move on, but honestly I literally don't work like that. Especially in an instant. Plus, I've went through a lot of hoe phases when I was younger and I'm not that person anymore. I ain't desperate for anyone to love me, and I absolutely hate rushing relationships. People think it's so easy. Welp, it's fucking not. I ain't the sharpest tool, or the best body either. Sorry y'all, I ain't got the looks like you do. I had to let these people go because I was constantly comparing myself to them and I literally felt suicidal and inadequate. I don't even know anymore. I'm done but I'm not. I'm losing my marbles at this point.