i realized that with age, my ability to help other people with their mental conditions has drastically decreased. i mean sometimes i’m able to but i guess i’m just not back to how i used to be, i feel bad because all i want is to be better and to help others be better but it’s been hard lately i guess. my brain has been on overwhelm for the past few months and it feels like i’m just pushing everything away. i think after last year my brain has gotten worse. i can’t think about the events of last year without crawling to the back of my brain and letting something else take over me. i sometimes wish my imagination weren’t so vivid because it makes the memories feel so much more real. i realized i went off topic, i didn’t start writing with these things in mind my brain sort of just kept going.