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Some people may not agree with this but I need to say it as a person with autism I usually get more attention from my parents since I also have other health issues but my brother thinks it’s not fair, what do you think? Personally I think it’s fair since to have the same quality of life as my brother I just need more support. Idk what to think?
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Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
Epilepsy
Arnold-Chiari syndrome
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Maybe your brother needs to speak to a therapist and determine what is actually bothering him. Cause it's not on you and if you need what you need you can't help that
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I think it makes sense for you to receive more attention with your health challenges. I don’t really think it is a matter of fairness, though, because it’s subjective. What’s most important for both you and your brother is that each of your needs are met. Perhaps your brother had fewer needs than you do and you need more support, but it’s possible that some of his needs are still being overlooked, which could be leading to the feelings of unfairness and favoritism. I know for me, I was a very independent child and cared for myself while my parents cared for a sibling with more needs. Even though it appeared that I was doing fine and had the same quality of life as the sibling, I still felt overlooked and was emotionally neglected. I think in these cases, it’s important for parents to be aware of this and make sure they are consciously making an effort to recognize and adequately meet the needs of each child (especially when one needs more support than the other) rather than assuming one is fine. I’m not saying this is the exact case for your family, especially because I don’t know all the circumstances, but those are some thoughts I had on the topic.
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@unicorn thank you!! I’m sorry you have to go through that I’m sorry I didn’t specify we have divorced parents and he gets more attention then one just like me
What’s equal and what’s the same aren’t always the same thing.
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I think it is equitable that you are receiving more attention. Equality feels more fair to those with fewer needs, but in reality to give everyone a fair start it’s not about being equal it’s about being equitable. I think it is understandable that your brother feels a little left out, since ti him it probably feels as though your parents are playing favorites. It’s seems like your parents may need to sit him down and tell him that because of your needs, you require more of their time, however they do not love him less. It might be a good idea for him to have sepa cual carved out time each week with one/both parents to make sure he is feeling like he is still special and a valuable part of the family. TLDR: Your needs are valid and do require more attention, but your brother’s needs have to be validated and addressed before this caused more problems in your family. Source: autistic social worker trained in working with individuals and families
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@ProfessorWinston ** special time, not sepa cual
Personally I feel like I don't get enough attention
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gotcha. i think with something like this it’s not about the getting support aspect; it’s about your brother thinking your parents care more about you than him. when i was younger, i felt the same way about my sister. she needed a lot of support because of sensory issues, and when i was going through things, i got brushed off a lot (my parents are abusive tho, so not at all saying thats what you both are experiencing). but even without that, i felt like they poured so much time into her, that i was second place. and that may not be at all the case with him and your parents. but he could be interpreting the care they give you as level of love even if they love you both equally. so it may not be at all about you or the support you need but about his insecurities. about him not feeling as loved as he sees you being cared for. that by no means is your fault, and he should definitely talk to a therapist or write down a list of emotional fulfillment needs for your parents so that he can feel better supported, and if you want and it isnt dangerous or upsetting, you can have a convo with him abt it or ask him what you can do to make him feel loved.
425d
@SalemGhost I really like this comment. It highlights how important it is to remember his feelings are not your fault - but also that there is every chance he is feeling second best, less Loved, and some of his needs might be being missed. Maybe could even be good to have some family therapy If you can to explore it more ❤️ I hope you all find a nice middle ground or something that works for you (I’ve been on both sides of this - my brother was untreated ADHD and ASD for a long time, and my mother had depression and had to spend all her spare time and energy looking after him. However there was a time when my mental health was awful and the switch had to happen. I was also their registered carers for a time as my mother was very physically ill as well as my brother’s neurodiverse needs. It can work out if you just remember everyone wants to feel loved and valued ❤️)
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@SalemGhost thank you!! I definitely needed a personal experience to try to understand I get it!
Everyone has different needs and no it is not unfair. I agree to the other comment saying he should talk to a therapist to figure it out. If he has certain needs he should communicate them without taking away from yours ,but it is not unfair. I get more attention as well because I require it and that is okau
426d
@Crowsasgods Thank you!! Update: he has started seeing a therapist and is doing good! I like taking notes on people, I know it’s super weird 😂 but his mood has been improving and he has realized what has been bothering him and has cut it out of his life (friends) he is doing so much better!
☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision
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