Sitting in Urgent Care Alone and Sad

MagickalRebel

707d

Hello, I'm sitting in urgent care with an IV and waiting on a pelvic exam and ultrasound. I didn't tell my partner, because he's not really a partner. If I were to tell him I was here he would accuse me of doing it for attention. I've been bleeding since he and I last had sex and I've been in pain to the point it's causing me difficulty going to the bathroom. He has in the past taken this stuff to heart. I'm 😢 saddened that I know I can't talk to him about this. I know the relationship is toxic, and Codependency groups have basically confirmed to me that it's not going to change. But I hold onto hope like a fool. anyway I'm sitting in this room by myself just being sad. Might be endometriosis, might be nothing. Who knows I'm a f-ing mess in his words.

Generalized pain

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MagickalRebel

707d

Thank you guys, literally crying in my face mask at your kindness. It sucks having someone who basically tells you your conditions aren't real(fibromyalgia) doesn't listen to me try to explain things about my mental health, thinks therapy doesn't work... But most of all what hurts I that he thinks I'm using my illnesses to get out of things. Meanwhile he's trying to get me to decide his future and marry him to get a house. I don't want to, and I feel like I'm worth it. But he tries to make me feel like I'm not. 😥 The ultrasound was so painful 😣 I'm waiting on the results been here for almost 3 hours. He's been bitching about someone at his school saying he was being negative (which he probably was) and now he wants to just go get a job that he will probably quit. He refuses to grow up. And I can't keep carrying everything on myself, I gotta worry about myself. It's so hard guys. It's like I tell him I'm done and he starts to tell me I'm terrible, and that he needs me and then goes to he's going to kill himself. It's suffocating how much I wish I was with someone who would just be there for me emotionally. I thought he was like that but it's always selfish.

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- ciggy
  
  707d
  
  @MagickalRebel if he does kill himself it's not your fault, you shouldn't be responsible for his life. And he probably won't do it anyway. Please take care of yourself and inch away from him, or just go without a word. You don't deserve this
  
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  - MagickalRebel
    
    706d
    
    @ciggy I stupidly moved half of my stuff with his family across the country. So leaving without a whisper isn't an option. And it's gotten dangerous but he's "doing better now" so for the last 3 months the physical aggression has been minimal. I tried to walk away from him and let him calm down and let myself calm down and he stood in front of my car. I record almost all of my conversations because he gaslights me. I'm in a codependency support group right now and they are providing a lot of helpful advice. The urgent care visit didn't find anything, might be stress? I basically only give him sex so he will leave me alone. He hounds me telling me how many days it's been and how he hates asking. But he literally just objectifies me, he's cut down the groping because I've started bending his wrist back when he doesn't respect the no answer. But we have been doing this waltz for 5 years. I attempted to take my life during an argument to get away from him a few years ago and I've been in therapy and on medicine since. Realizing it's toxic and now just trying to find the strength. Like sure he's made some changes... Stopped drinking right now but if I don't keep tabs on it he finds ways to do whatever. He wants a mommy and a Fleshlight. And I don't want to be either.
    
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- ciggy
  
  707d
  
  @MagickalRebel please don't marry this person if the relationship is toxic, make a plan if the situation gets dangerous but I hope you can find a happy ending to this, I wish you a fast recovery<3
  
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Belugabear

707d

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Even when he isn’t there for you, know that’s we are! And I’m sure you’ve heard this a million times, but you deserve better. I have endometriosis, and it sucks, but you’ll get through it. I have a lot of resources on it so if you need anything or just want to talk please feel free to message me!

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Mamaqueen

707d

Oh no!!! You are worth so much more than you know, hold your head high and start putting yourself first!! You are important, you matter and you deserve to be happy and with someone who loves you unconditionally!! But you gotta love you first , you can do it!!!

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- MagickalRebel
  
  707d
  
  @Mamaqueen I am trying to remember that it's a lie I'm telling myself that this is the love I deserve. I know he's got depression and PTSD and his own problems. And it makes me feel like I have to put my shit aside and help him. But it's not helping me get better.
  
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  - Mamaqueen
    
    707d
    
    @MagickalRebel never put yourself second your number one and you need to take care of yourself and be truly happy and loved the right way!!
    
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Sitting in Urgent Care Alone and Sad

MagickalRebel

MagickalRebel

ciggy

MagickalRebel

ciggy

Belugabear

Mamaqueen

MagickalRebel

Mamaqueen

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