Struggling with Self-Sabotage in Relationships

Why do i self sabotage. I was in a very toxic relationship. i finally got out and was talking to someone who honestly had everything i wanted . they ended up leaving me 3 weeks into talking . two days after i met up with the guy i was in a toxic relationship with and we kissed. the next day the guy who left me wanted me back and i lied to him about not seeing anyone . long story short a few days back into talking he texted him that i saw him. then he left . why do i crave attention. especially from abusive people. why did i lie. why did i risk something i really wanted (a loving relationship) for a few hours of feeling wanted by someone . i feel sick just thinking about myself .