Navigating Communication Issues with My Roommate/Best Friend

Unfortunately not everyone has common sense, so you're rule should be validated. I've had male stranger roommates walk around in boxers and one that I caught twice going from his room to the shower naked.

Non-autistic thoughts ... Hi, As for being compassionate, I don't see any reason u should worry about that. Seems very clear you're doing all u can to be thoughtful & caring. So even if there's disagreement, she should have no doubt about that part of things. On the roommate rules, I think you're both right - it is common sense, especially from an old fashioned guy (me) perspective, that we shouldn't walk around in boxers, or any other underwear, in front of women, (or kids of course). I wouldn't even do so w/gf or wife, it's just a lazy & stupid thing to do. *But - as we all know, many adults don't behave like adults these days, it's unfortunate & annoying, but I'd our reality for now. So I don't think it's unreasonable at all if u want that, or any other common sense rules in the agreement. And the guys shouldn't mind at all, their main thought on the arrangement should be doing whtvr they can to make sure u & your friend are comfortable.

My roommate and I are both autistic and have been best friends and living together on and off for five years, and OH BOY have I been in your spot before. There have been plenty of things I have tried to gently suggest and gotten nothing but defensiveness and annoyance in return. In my experience, we as autistics tend to take things pretty personally, so it's honestly possible that she's feeling like YOU are upset with HER and isn't sure how to handle it? Idk. Maybe not. My general rule w people is that if they don't TELL me they're mad, I'm going to assume they aren't, because there's no need to be sneaky about being angry or upset, but this may not always be the best approach. What I've had the most success with when dealing with my roommate/friend is just... Giving/taking space. We are both super reactive and they tend to be a less direct communicator than me, so the pattern is I bring something up, they get defensive (and sometimes that is bc of guilt for feeling like they've done something wrong), I leave them alone so *I* don't get pissy, and then often, the problem will kind of solve itself once we have both had time to process and settle. Idk if any of this helps but I hope it does!

Also to add I don’t know the whole story and I’m not there every day. That being said I know being friends and living with someone is very different. Certain things can over time run people the wrong way. If gone unchecked or communicated this can cause tension in relationships. It’s not easy navigating this life when we’ve been taught to push our emotions deep down and hide our feelings from others

I'm autistic too and one thing that helped me out is the mindset that you can only control yourself. She is a grown person and it's not your responsibility to manage her emotions. If she is mad, she needs to either tell you so you both can work it out, or let it go. You said your good intentions, apologized for the misunderstanding, and stated your boundaries kindly and clearly. All you can do now is trust that she'll follow your boundaries and take her word for it being fine unless she shows otherwise. She may just need time to get over her emotions, but if she is mad it's her problem. Hold your boundary because you deserve to be validated for your experiences 💕💕

She does I mean