Relapsing after three years of being self-harm free

Honestly I recommend you inform only the most closest and trusted people to you that you are relapsing. Now this feeling of not wanting to stop I refer to "the beast" or 'the darkness', it demands to be fed and can even seem to reward the behavior sometimes for some people giving euphoria or release. We all have one and they all prey qnd feed on us at our worst. However no one can force you to stop, it's ultimately your decision. But it is an addiction and gives the impression you are in control when it's really the opposite. It's so easy to backside into it and to get it out of control. If you aren't already I'd get in therepy and/or discuss why suddenly you feel you need it again so badly, what's the root cause. It's also easy to feel why bother or it's hopeless or feel kinda of betrayed in a way via yourself. Addictions like self harm or eating disorders are severe and can rear their ugly heads years later or decades later for seemingly no rhyme or reason. You have to forgive yourself and remind yourself this is an addiction and it's heavy. Relapses happen you just gotta forgive yourself, seek out the root of the problem, and let it go all over again. While you are relapsing I would recommend you put a aftercare kit together (if you have a healthy partner or friend you can have them help). You can put favorite snacks or comfort snacks in it, a first aid kit and or fun bandages, soft blankets, movies you like, whatever u want that will put you in safe space after.