See Alike in...

Alike App

Browser

Relapsed after 4 months clean, feeling guilty and lost

Jaejae

708d

two nights ago I relapsed, I was over 4 months clean and I blew it all. I had to tell my bf because I can't hide anything from him without intense guilt. he is very stressed lately so I feel like a horrible girlfriend for doing it. I'm trying and since I started sh at a young age my mind goes to it whenever something goes wrong. when I told him he told me that in the end it will always be my choice and that I need to try harder and that it's not anyone near as hard as cigarettes. Im trying as hard as I can and I don't think he sees that. but yet again he's prob just stress and I feel horrible for worsening his stress. he doesn't deserve that and idk how to make it up to him. I fucked up bad and literally just made everything worse for him. what do you think I should do I don't know what to do anymore

3

15

15

Depression

View all
Top reply
    • laceyandme

      708d

      Hi ive been self harming since a young age too. I havent cut in over a year but ive been doing other things to hurt myself. No ones perfect its ok to relapse its part of recovery. Maybe try going to therapy and get meds to help you cause thats what has helped me the most. Cause of my schizophrenia i am not always in my right mind so i self harm or if im depressed cause I also have depression.

      3

      Reply
      Chat
    • Owlbug97

      707d

      You’re being too hard on yourself. Yes, you relapsed and that’s awful. But first you were 4 months clean! Which is a huge accomplishment. Start again today and this time go for gold 🙌

      0

      Reply
      • Jaejae

        707d

        @Owlbug97 ik but, the fact that bothers me the most is I stressed my bf out more. It hurt what he said but like I said he is very stressed right now. I don't wanna lose him over personal choices I make. I don't think he understands how much I'm trying. Thank you so much btw. I'm trying my best. I wanna throw the thing I use away but I'm scared my mom has cameras. If she sees me put it back or sum she will check me.. if she finds it I'll prob go back to therapy be forced to take meds and/or go back to the hospital. I don't wanna go back. I don't wanna ya know. I just don't know how else to cope.

        0

        Reply
    • Faithe

      708d

      I have 9 years clean and I still have my days but what they told me, don't use NO MATTER WHAT!

      0

      Reply
      • Jaejae

        707d

        @Faithe I am very proud of you for making it that far. I try my best to not. I can't tell ya how much I broke down after I broke that clean streak. I was so proud of myself.

        0

        Reply
    • Ashhope

      708d

      Don't feel bad about ur self I am a recovering addict and I relapsed bout 3 or 4 times. I had so much emotional pain that when I was sober I couldn't handle the thoughts and feelings. I had to go to rehab but please know its a long road with bumps u will get there just don't give up

      1

      Reply
      • Jaejae

        707d

        @Ashhope I know that, and same for you. I made that mistake before but those attempts made me realize how special life is and how it isn't something you just throw away. Life does get better it just isn't always a fast process. I am alot better than I used to be but I still have my moments.

        0

        Reply
      • Jaejae

        707d

        @Ashhope I am very proud of you. If you need someone to vent to you can hmu I'm here for you. My bf says to not take those meds cuz they can mess my brain up and when I took depressive meds it made me feel full and like I'ma throw up before I ate. Therapy makes it worse for me. It makes me get reminded of stuff I try to forget about.

        0

        Reply
        • laceyandme

          707d

          @Jaejae and as for the meds theirs going to be side effects on everything. I take 12 meds 6 psych and i might be a little slower or not have the best mermory due to them but it beats going to the hospital every month i went alot ive been to 8 different hospitals and was in the hospital 27 times starting from 16 til 24. I now go to crisis stable unit instead of hospitals and ive been going there on and off since 2012. The last time i went was Nov. Of last year and almost twice this year so far but couldnt go cause they had no opening or short staff due to being sick. But the point is i hate taking meds but i do know im qorse without them. If you see my posts you would see what im like on meds but me off im worse

          0

          Reply
        • laceyandme

          707d

          @Jaejae with my therapist we cantalk about anything not just the past but the present and the future so just try to look for a new one if i gave up on this pne therapist who made me worse and woulsnt listen to me i would of never get the therapist i have now

          0

          Reply
    • laceyandme

      708d

      Hi ive been self harming since a young age too. I havent cut in over a year but ive been doing other things to hurt myself. No ones perfect its ok to relapse its part of recovery. Maybe try going to therapy and get meds to help you cause thats what has helped me the most. Cause of my schizophrenia i am not always in my right mind so i self harm or if im depressed cause I also have depression.

      3

      Reply
    • Zo.hernandez

      708d

      I think that you are taking this too hard on yourself! The fact that you were clean for 4 months says a lot about you and how hard you're trying!

      1

      Reply
      • Jaejae

        707d

        @Zo.hernandez I just don't want to lose my bf over these urges and stuff. I can't lose him

        1

        Reply
      • Jaejae

        707d

        @Zo.hernandez thanks, I am trying it's hard to explain idk how I feel lately.

        1

        Reply

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.

Want to chat or share? Download the Alike app now and get complete access to Alike.health's unique features.

Alike health

Instantly get answers to medical questions with our AI, built from the collective wisdom of our community facing similar experiences

Write your question here...

Get answer
Thank you! Your submission has been received!

Related Questions

Find people who are
experiencing a similar
medical reality

join the community
100% Free
100%
Free
Alike is a transformative platform that goes beyond just bringing together patients; it meticulously connects individuals based on multiple critical factors, such as age, gender, comorbidities, medications, diet, and more, fostering a community of knowledge, support and empathy.
© 2020-2023 Alike, Inc
About AlikeWisdomFAQEditorial TeamAll ConditionsAll PostsAll Communities
Your PrivacyStoriesCommunity GuidelinesTerms of UsePrivacy PolicyBlogContact Us

Download Alike for the full experience

JOIN

View All

Bupropion

night sweats

paranoid

Valium

sertraline

palpitations

Anxiety (Including GAD)

Depression

palpitations

Depression

Valium

Bupropion