Need to Vent About My Mental Health Struggles

I just feel like I need to rant today, I NEED to get some things off my chest. so TW (Trigger warning) about suicide and all that terrible stuff 😕. These past two years have been A MESS! Not only did everything start when I was in highschool *junior* and covid happened UGH I didn't even get to have my senior year experience everything was online. and then all my symptoms started; so I couldn't even enjoy all that time off of school so that sucks but thats besides the point, these recent years has sucked i was never a depressed person but whatever is wrong with me has been making me CRAZY, I literally think about kms like everyday but I never act on it though because deep down inside I don't want to like HELLO!! But in 2021 I- TW (self harm) I did cut my thigh and my mom saw its not like I was hiding it or anything, (deep down inside I wanted her to see so she could ask what was wrong ) but I lied and said I fell. DONT WORRY I NEVER DID IT AGAIN BECAUSE WHY there was no point it didn't make me feel better lol but now I just have intrusive thoughts (I never act on them) I feel like this is too long I'm gonna start another message