Struggling with Medical Issues and Loss of Independence

TW depression and triggering thoughts I'm struggling so much. I'm back in my home town to get medical care because I couldn't handle college and my medical stuff so I'm on medical leave. My family is constantly telling me how lucky I am to even have the opportunity but I'd honestly rather be dead than in this situation and I hate it. I don't want to die but I already feel like I'm dead when I can't even take a shower without letting someone know so if I pass out someone can help me. I no longer have any independence. I go to therapy every week and cardiac rehab twice a week. that's my entire life basically. sometimes I can't even go to the grocery store if I need to, I have to ask someone else to. I don't know what else to do...