Feeling Alone and Trapped in My Own Mind

I dont know what to do. im this close to relapsing and cutting again im so mad at everything at me at my mother and life. the only thing keeping me alive right now is my vest friend and shes barely holding on as well. I have nightmares of my sister and her killing themselves and I hate my mother she finds every single thing i say and do wrong and yells at me for hours because of it. I say sorry and she says its not a real sorry that I'm only hurting her more. every time i try to co vey my feelings and thoughts she says im just feeling sorry for myself and im lying ans she threatens to stop my counceling because it's "too much" and shes hated that i go to counceling and theres not one day I'm happy. I dont have hope any more im terrified and I feel alone. my mother also comments on my weight a lot and i know im not "overweight" but i look at myself and im disgusted by me. ive stopped eating as much as i normally do and nothing i do seems to help anything. the longest ive went without crying is 6 days, and ive kept track for months. my mother tells me to let my feelings out and show them but whenever i do in front of her, she tells me to grow up and stop pity partying. theres no winning with her and I dont know what to do. ive stopped ranting about this to my friend because i dont want to trauma dump on her but its so hard too. ive stopped taking care of myself, ive stopped flossing and brushing when I should, and I dont take the pills that will help my stomach. no matter how much i sleep I always wake up with a punding headache and im so dizzy and nauseas all the time. I can't fall asleep until 2 am and even then its hard staying asleep. at the same time I sleep for 11-12 hours straight. sorry for the big rant but ive just needed to get some things off my chest even though theyre still there.