Feeling Abandoned and Controlling in My Relationship

i know how hard it is to feel like you’re bothering someone, but you have to remember that your feelings matter too. it’s okay to ask for the things that you need. if your boyfriend is understanding like you say he is, then he knows that the reassurance is something that you need. the fact that you are able to have conversations with him about your concerns is a good sign because it means if there was any sort of problem, he would feel comfortable coming to you. although it’s been very difficult so far, i’ve found that taking words at face value can be helpful. look at the observable concrete evidence in front of you. for example, when your boyfriend says that everything is fine and your relationship hasn’t had any significant changes, you should believe him. he is a person outside of your relationship, and he has things going on in his life that don’t involve you. it’s important to remember that stressful things may make someone act “different from normal” but that doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship is what is causing the change. bpd makes us see everything that’s not super positive as rejection or abandonment when really it’s not always the case. after about a month of thinking like this, i’ve already found it easier to calm myself when i’m feeling insecure in a situation. i hope it helps you too!!