In Need of a Real Friend

have no idea of what I'm expecting here or anything else. I guess to start off I have tried medicine before but it went horribly wrong. I didn't realize it was making me want to do drugs more a main reason why my addiction got soo bad. as soon as I weaned myself off I was able to stop the drugs rights away. it was amazing. this was before I realized I can talk to my doctor about those kind of issues without repercussion. I was terrified I would lose my child or just something bad. nothing bad happened I just got help... I'm trying to talk about my depression right now. I've been really low and I hate how a 'friend' always asks why... that's not how it works. it just happens. sometimes it's just nice to have friends to talk to . to go do something. have the kids hangout... anyone friends do... I just never really had any friends. that actually think about my and want to talk to me. (I'm always the one who reaches out or texts them with responses sometimes). growing up I always tried telling myself I like it by myself nice and quite alone. and over all I do like quite peaceful situations... I was around lots of fighting and various things, I really dislike noise overall lol. but I really wish I had some good friends... even ever time I think like this I can't help but to start crying.... like really really crying. it just hurts so much. I truthfully am an overly nice person.... why my 'friends' never were real. after they found out they couldn't get money or rides or whatever from me they never talked to me again. I'm so tired of being used by everyone in my life. I fully even supported all my 'boyfriends' I've ever had and lol I even stated kid hates me but she is about a teenager but she really is meaner towards me than her friends. everyone loves her and gives her hugs all the time. I can't even get a hug from her without a fight... it's like a game to her but it really hurts. long story short I just need a real friend or 2 just to talk too.