Dealing with Childhood Trauma and Family Relationships

Trigger warning SA! I was SA as a child by father.My mother immediately believed me and took action.But they didn't end up believing me. My father had a son who was a few months younger than I with another woman. His mother didn't belive me either and her son got SA 2 years later.Although I should hate my father I don't.I often find my self pretending it never happened.I speak to him and so does my brother his family knows but everyone just likes to pretend nothing happened.Some days im heart broken and angry.I wonder how can mybown father do this to me.But other times I just want a dad.I feel disgusted with my self and I know I'm insane for even talking to him.I guess I'm just wondering of anyone has had a similar experience.