Struggling with a Cycle of Self-Hatred and Anxiety

i hate being in a loop of loving my life, picking up new hobbies and being productive to wanting to hurt myself all the time, hating myself, arguing with my bf and having anxiety attacks/ crying every day. there’s sm more inbetween that but it feels like this cycle just repeats every couple months or it’ll repeat every week. i also have no perception of time so idek. i hate my life.