Confused about my gender identity

* like

Maybe you luke androgyny? I like more soft, feminine men and masculing woman too...and just a mix or androgyny... I dont know what to call it either.

The vibes of it all. Same.

i think going for a "butch" type look might suit you? if you hit a certain level of androgyny, you'll be able to hit "cute boy" and "masculine woman" at the same time. there are all sorts of things you can do to modify your appearance too, of course the typical transition options of testosterone (you'd most likely want a low dose and probably not for a very long time) or surgery (many enby people get top surgery) exist, but there are other ways to change the way you're perceived too. a good masculine haircut - make sure you go to someone who's used to cutting men's hair and is trans-friendly - can really change how people read you. a wardrobe change to pick out some clothes that a. fit your body in ways that make you feel good and b. look like something the people you have gender envy for would wear helps make you look closer to that ideal. and if you're a makeup person, you can do makeup that makes your face look more masculine - anime boy cosplay makeup tutorials would probably give you ideas that would be helpful. think of it as modifying your appearance from the starting point of your agab, and stop modifying towards masculine once you reach the point that you're comfortable. i'm similar but my gender expression goes the other way - a lot of people ask if i'm transfeminine or just assume that i am. i keep my hair long-ish (between shoulder length and waist length), sometimes grow my beard out, have a bassy voice, but also generally wear women's clothes. my favourite time i gave someone gender panic was years ago at a sporting event at my high school - i had short hair, and this was before surgery or hormones, back when i wore only masculine clothes. i was sitting on the bleachers and she tapped my shoulder from behind, saying "sir?" i turned around and she stuttered "u-uh ma'am? I'M SORRY I DON'T KNOW YOU." the poor woman looked so confused and it's still one of the funniest genderweird experiences ive had yet