Losing Someone Twice: The Pain of Forgetting

CW: Death Has anyone else had the experience of losing someone close to you, but no longer having access to that memory so forgetting they are gone? Then finding out again and it being re traumatizing? it's happened to me multiple times and I feel very alone in this experience. I feel like I can't properly grieve because if I get too emotional I forget, and then it's even worse when I find out again. My closest friend passed away very unexpectedly in 2017 and every once in a while I just find myself thinking wow I haven't seen them in a while I better text them and then I find out they aren't around anymore, again.