Struggling with Balancing Responsibility and Boundaries

Hey! I’m back on here after a few years🙏🏻 I hope everyone’s getting what they need to the best of their ability. I’m a she/they(?) musician, friend, student, writer, dreamer, thinker, lover- ima year sober (🙌🏻⚔️) and things r rly good atm! Im here with a long winded query/reflection on how to gauge when something is my responsibility and something is in fact someone else’s hands. I live with my mother and this is coming up a lot- we both share similar traits like the helper/martyr/people pleaser. I just started a new intensive therapy related to sexual trauma and I’m grateful to be in that. At the same time, while balancing mtgs, music, life, PT, therapy, more therapy, meditation, I feel these old feelings of being a burden pop up + they sound extremely valid and truthful in my head. As far as I can feel, I have told myself iam the #most severe outward mentally ill person in my family, who’s -alive, getting help and staying vocal abt it. I’m not tryna call myself unique but there is a narrative in my family- masked problems+resentment/glamorised untreated sickness+ fake unstable love and dependency. Rn I feel extremely challenged in my moms home (where I live rn). She’s incredible and hs has her problems. As do I. I feel as thought I constantly get criticised for small/life mistakes - some dishes- some notebooks laying about. I feel like there’s an imbalance of need for me to do better when I feel there are similar things she can do too- or there r attitude adjustments she could make to sharing space. I can’t quite put it to words. I feel like I’m making so much progress- I don’t need an applause from my family necessarily. But the amount of shame I feel abt taking up space ends up being my Brian telling myself “ur mentally ill that’s why ur resting for 20 mins” rather than saying “that was a long day, it feels good to rest”. Sometimes this judgment does come from my mom- productivity is a big fucking issue in my family of origin. It’s tough feeling like I’m the only immediate source of real time love around that- except for some of my favorite authors and Lamas in the meditation world. Lmk if you have experience w this balance! And also how to tell what is on me and what is on someone else.